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Your self-esteem, what you think of yourself in relation to other people, is
the basic secret of your success or failure in life.
It's really as simple as that... Think well of yourself, and you'll do well.
Think disparagingly of yourself, and you'll probably not do very well at all
.
Regardless of whether you're the perpetrator or the victim, the experience
of going through a divorce is going to damage your self-esteem. In fact, the
blow dealt to one's self-esteem by divorce is lethal enough to drive anyone
to the brink of insanity.
What you must do is think of your divorce, the end of your marriage, as you
would the death of a loved one. Basically, that's what it is!
There is a period of burial or of letting go; a period of feeling guilty
because you didn't do or say all the things you might have; a period of
anger because it didn't work out the way you dreamed it would; a period of
reconciliation in which you think maybe if you try again, it'll all work
out; and finally, a period of acceptance.
Everyone who has ever been through a divorce or is still recovering from
one, has either lived through each of these "recovery stages," or is still
in one of them. It's all normal, and a part of the necessary healing that
has to take place before you are able to recognize and enjoy happiness
again.
Even so, the most important and the very first thing you must do following
the break-up of any kind of relationship, is to get started on the
rebuilding of your self-esteem.
This means that you have to accept the fact that neither you or anyone else
is perfect, determine that you will learn from your mistakes, and that you
will become whatever it is you aspire to be...
Immediately, do something that makes you feel good - something you've been
wanting to do for some time - or always wanted to do. This could be getting
a new hair-do, buying a new suit, enrolling in a special self-improvement
course, starting a business, or even taking an extended vacation.
You mustn't lock yourself in your house or apartment. You mustn't be afraid
to get out and associate with people. You mustn't stop wanting to enjoy
life!
You may have to force yourself, but you must "forget" about mourning your
loss and continue on with your life. You must go on with your life with a
stronger determination than ever, to be the person you want to be. Don't
"beat yourself over the head" with feelings of guilt. Get rid of your anger
as quickly as possible. Forget about the past. Get on with the rest of your
life without delay!
Revitalize those ambitions that have been "hidden away" in the back of your
mind, and consider this particular time in your life as an opportunity for a
new start. Do some introspection relative to what it is you want out of
life; reorganize your time and efforts to attain those objectives; and go
for it with all you've got!
After all has been said and done, the kind of person you are and how you get
along in the world you live in, is up to you. The most powerful assistance
for attaining happiness anyone has, is in what he or she says, feels, and
believes about himself or herself. When things are not quite right, the
first thing that needs to be changed is your disposition - your attitude,
feelings towards other people, and your emotional responses. Think about
your facial expressions and the tone of your voice when you're talking with
other people. Being aware of these things with consideration towards other
people, will "bring you out of your-self" and allow other people to want to
know more about you.
You have to forget about, and let go of, the past. Anything and everything
that happened yesterday is long gone and cannot be changed. You have the
rest of your life from this moment on, to achieve love, happiness, fame and
fortune.
Whatever it is you want in life can be yours. All that's necessary to make
any dream come true is a true understanding of what you want, and
determination on your part to make it all happen according to your plan.
Think about what you want, prepare yourself to get it, focus your efforts on
the fulfillment of your ambitions, and there's nothing that can stop you
from total realization!
So, the first thing relative to rebuilding one's self-esteem, following a
divorce, or the loss of a loved one by any circumstances, is to understand
why you hurt, and what is necessary in order to be happy again. It essential
that you think of YOURSELF in terms of the kind of life you want for
yourself; know that you can have it all because you've laid the foundation,
done your homework, and you're on a positive road towards achievement; and
then get busy "making tracks" in that direction.
In simple terms, it hurts, but you're not dead, you're only wasting time
thinking about or rehashing the past because there's no way anything that
happened yesterday or the day before can be changed - so quickly pick up the
pieces, and get on with your life!
Wanting to "get well," and/or to "make something out of your life," is half
the battle!
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